it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
