We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
