Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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