i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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