For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
