When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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