i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
