Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
