beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
