I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
