my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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