You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
