doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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