Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
