Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
