we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize