Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
