honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't put those talents on a resume
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
