you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
