she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
