these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His hands were made for my vagina.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize