So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
