I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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