I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
