somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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