MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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