Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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