so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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