Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
