He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
