umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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