"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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