his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
