dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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