you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
