Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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