I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
