His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize