You really coming over, don't trick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize