I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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