epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
