just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
