Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
