Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
