she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
