somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize