How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
