We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
