can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
