so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
