You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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