it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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