i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
