Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
