I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
