I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
