so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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