Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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