i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
