Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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