Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
