Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
