Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
