She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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